Rosa: Act I Aria - "Ti voglio essere con me"

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ScottManson
Posts: 9
Joined: Sat Apr 07, 2018 3:02 pm

Rosa: Act I Aria - "Ti voglio essere con me"

Post by ScottManson » Sat Jun 02, 2018 8:39 am

Well, here goes. Here is the first song from an opera I am writing - Rosa I'd just like this checked over for any grammar/ vocabulary errors before I start drafting the music. Note: the SATB chorus lines are given in square brackets.

So far, we've had the Overture and Entr'acte (which, of course, have been met with rapturous applause :D .) Now, the lead male character, Eduardo, walks onto stage and sings to Princess Rosa.


Italiano

Eduardo:

Ti voglio essere con me
Perché dobbiamo
Vivere qui?
Stai ensato
Nella tua palazza,
In notto
Sogni di lasciare!
Vedi le stelle?
Loro pure sognare
Da nostra amore
Fortuna
Fortuna è dura -
Ti tenga qui
Amore
Amore è dura -
Mi tenga qui
Devo vivere
Con te!

Che amore,
Chiusato nelle stelle!
Un misterio,
Un segreto!

[Ti voglio essere con me]

Un segreto!

[Ti voglio essere con me]

Ti voglio essere con me!

English

I want you to be with me
Why must we
Live here?
You are trapped
In your palace
By night,
You dream of leaving!
Do you see the stars?
Even they dream
Of our love!
Fortune
Fortune is tough -
It keeps you here
Love
Love is tough -
It keeps me here
I must live
With you!

What love,
Hidden in the stars!
A mystery,
A secret!

[ I want you to be with me ]

A secret!

[ I want you to be with me ]

I want you to be with me!

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Peter
Posts: 2896
Joined: Mon Feb 07, 2005 12:41 pm
Location: Horsham, West Sussex, England

Re: Rosa: Act I Aria - "Ti voglio essere con me"

Post by Peter » Sat Jun 02, 2018 7:50 pm

ScottManson wrote:
Sat Jun 02, 2018 8:39 am
Well, here goes. Here is the first song from an opera I am writing - Rosa I'd just like this checked over for any grammar/ vocabulary errors before I start drafting the music. Note: the SATB chorus lines are given in square brackets.

So far, we've had the Overture and Entr'acte (which, of course, have been met with rapturous applause :D .) Now, the lead male character, Eduardo, walks onto stage and sings to Princess Rosa.


Italiano

Eduardo:

Ti voglio essere con me
Perché dobbiamo
Vivere qui?
Stai ensato Sei rimasta intrappolata
Nella tua palazza,
In notto Di notte
Sogni di lasciare!
Vedi le stelle?
Loro pure sognare. Anche (loro) sognano
Da nostra amore. Del nostro amore
Fortuna
Fortuna è dura -
Ti tenga qui
Amore
Amore è dura -
Mi tenga qui
Devo vivere
Con te!

Che amore,
Chiusato È nascosto nelle stelle!
Un misterio, mistero
Un segreto!

[Ti voglio essere con me]

Un segreto!

[Ti voglio essere con me]

Ti voglio essere con me!

English

I want you to be with me
Why must we
Live here?
You are trapped
In your palace
By night,
You dream of leaving!
Do you see the stars?
Even they dream
Of our love!
Fortune
Fortune is tough -
It keeps you here
Love
Love is tough -
It keeps me here
I must live
With you!

What love,
Hidden in the stars!
A mystery,
A secret!

[ I want you to be with me ]

A secret!

[ I want you to be with me ]

I want you to be with me!

Scott - just a few things I've seen, but wait for Dylan and Calum to respond as well.

1. Ensato does not exist, from what I can see. To be trapped in Italian is essere rimasto/a intrappolato/a
2. By night is di notte
3. When one refers to someone else or others doing something similar, you should use anche. Loro is optional. So, anche (loro) sognano.
4. Of in Italian is di. When taking the definite article it becomes del or della. Amore is masculine, therefore del nostro amore.
5. To hide in Italian is nascondere, past participle nascosto/a.
6. Mistero - no second 'I' in the word.

Dylan Thomas
Posts: 102
Joined: Sat Mar 31, 2012 11:08 pm

Re: Rosa: Act I Aria - "Ti voglio essere con me"

Post by Dylan Thomas » Sun Jun 03, 2018 11:30 pm

Hi Scott.

Perhaps this will help:

Voglio che tu stia/rimanga con me [literal translation; does Eduardo want the princess to go away with him? If so, I’d say something like: Vieni via con me]
Perché dobbiamo
Vivere qui?
Siamo intrappolati
Nel tuo palazzo, [“palazza” does not exist; “palazzo” is masculine; do Eduardo and the princess live in the same palace?]
Di notte
Sogni di andar via!
Vedi le stelle?
Sognano anche loro / Anche loro sognano
Il nostro amore!
La fortuna [you need the definite article here]
La fortuna è dura - [I’m afraid I don’t clearly understand what you mean here; could it be “fate” = “destino” instead of “fortune”?]
Ti trattiene qui
L’amore [you need the definite article here]
L’amore è duro - [I’m afraid I don’t understand this completely; could it be “immense / boundless” = “immenso” instead of “tough”?]
Mi trattiene qui
Devo vivere
con te!
E che amore [I guess “What love” refers to Eduardo and Rosa’s love, right?. Does it mean something like, “What deep love is ours”?]
Nascosto tra le stelle!
Un mistero,
Un segreto!

DT

ScottManson
Posts: 9
Joined: Sat Apr 07, 2018 3:02 pm

Re: Rosa: Act I Aria - "Ti voglio essere con me"

Post by ScottManson » Mon Jun 04, 2018 7:41 am

Thank you very much.

This is exactly the sort of thing that I need. Is essere the wrong word or will it work well enough?

User avatar
Peter
Posts: 2896
Joined: Mon Feb 07, 2005 12:41 pm
Location: Horsham, West Sussex, England

Re: Rosa: Act I Aria - "Ti voglio essere con me"

Post by Peter » Mon Jun 04, 2018 11:15 pm

ScottManson wrote:
Mon Jun 04, 2018 7:41 am
Thank you very much.

This is exactly the sort of thing that I need. Is essere the wrong word or will it work well enough?
In this context, stare is better. Stare also means to be, but more in the sense of remaining or staying. So, DT using voglio che tu stia con me is better. You will of course be aware that the past participle of essere is the same as that of stare - stato/a.

Dylan Thomas
Posts: 102
Joined: Sat Mar 31, 2012 11:08 pm

Re: Rosa: Act I Aria - "Ti voglio essere con me"

Post by Dylan Thomas » Tue Jun 05, 2018 8:36 pm

I absolutely agree with Peter. In this context “essere” does not work, though.
The only thing that I would like to add is that “rimanere” sounds even better than “stare” (my opinion only): “Voglio che tu rimanga con me”.

DT

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